Chi-chan

It's been three years since my friend Chi-chan died, at age seven, after an unsuccessful bone marrow transplant. "Chan" in Japanese is the diminutive form of "san," kind of like Lil' in English. Used for children, especially girls. The poem refers to a hidden skylight in the hospital's small chapel called Teusler Hall. The skylight can only be accessed by ducking under a low-hanging wall. It is too narrow for someone with broad shoulders to stand up inside.

Careful when you make that face, I say
It might freeze up like that
That’s okay, you say
I’ll just pour hot water on it

You, the bed, the world entire
Mother moon encircling
Love's gravity stirring the soul's deeps
Never alone, you were
Never left to your own devices

A father's marrow
Red sun hovers low on the horizon
Love pouring down into your bones
Terrible gift you gave to him
A father's burden
   and greatest honor
     Truly this is bone of my bone,
     Flesh of my flesh
Tongue-tied love's calligraphy
smoothly penned in blood
+   +   +
秋高し
母娘（おやこ）の涙
神を問う
Vaulting autumn sky
Mother daughter tears streaming
Querying God’s grace
 
Everyone else got to go home
Why me? Was I bad? Did I sin?
Child theodicy like a roundhouse kick to the solar plexus
 
No, no little one, no and a thousand times no
  Neither hath she sinned, nor her parents:
  but that the works of God should be made manifest in her.
He is always with you, Come what may, never apart
Your tears rend His heart
 
That all you got up your sleeve, Chaplain?
This the full extent of learned divinity?
All for this?
+   +   +
words fail, falter, fall out of joint and so
I show you the secret place in Dr. Teusler's Hall
the only way in is to be small
the kingdom belongs to such as these
 
tunnel dug straight up into the sky
discovery's smile
tongue tip darting out as ever
small enough to stand tall
here alone, beloved child, autumn cascading quick-silver
over your bald crown
heaven's delight a mantle on your slight, titanic shoulders
+   +   +
The blanket on your death bed
Pooh gazing fondly at a flower
  "Thank you for blossoming for me."
 
       Oh, my kingdom for a cup of hot water…

dr. hosoya's haiku (i)

Dr. Hosoya, Chief of Pediatrics at the hospital, asked me to translate his haiku used in a new documentary about him, called "Daijoubu (It's Going To Be Okay)". It's heading to a film festival in Europe soon.

Here are some of the results:

がんの子の
　おはなし会に
　　銀やんま
silver dragonfly
 eavesdrops on the conference of
  children with cancer

Backstory: A scene from the camp Dr. Hosoya helps run, for children diagnosed with cancer.

フラッシュで
　星を撮る子もみて
　　キャンプ
starry night at camp
 a child's camera points up
  and clicks, flash goes off

 Backstory: After the evening bonfire, a girl was taking pictures of the night sky using the flash setting.

生キ死ニのはなしを
　子らに　油照
hot day with children
 talking about life and death
  sweltering stillness

みとること
　なりはひとして
　　冬の虹
this is my calling
 keeping watch as children die
  rainbows in winter

颱風の中
　モルヒネの
　　効いてゆく
little one passing
 morphine starts to take effect
  typhoon winds raging

Backstory: Sitting vigil with a dying child, alleviating her suffering.

窓に子の
　息それぞれに
　　夜の冬
frosted window pane
 trace of many little breaths
  a winter's evening

Backstory: Another camp scene

悲しき時のみ
　詩をたまふ神
　　雁渡
only in sorrow
 are poems sent from Heaven
  passing flights of geese